Landry: NICU Week 2

Saturday, July 14th: we got to put Landry in his first outfit that night. Everything was still big on him but he looked adorable :)

Sunday, July 15th: probably my hardest day! I went home to see the boys that morning, that was amazing!! They were so excited to see me and I them. We snuggled, hugged, ate breakfast and just loved on each other. We then went back up to the hospital, ate lunch, went to Build a Bear and then the boys went home with daddy. It tore my heart out to say goodbye to them.

Brody would say "I be a good helper and stay with you and baby brother"
or he would ask if daddy could stay with Landry and I come home with him. He would tell me he was gonna miss me and it just tore me in two. I get teary eyed just thinking about it. I know they were well taken care of and that they won't remember this but wanting to be with them, knowing they want me and feeling guilty for not being with them was my worst pain!

This is the day/night that I say I lost my shit. I was in pain, exhausted, missing my family, worried sick about Landry and what was causing his low platelets. I was just mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted and this was definitely my low point. That night I had nurse Brandy and a great charge nurse. We had to do a lot of blood work that night with Landry and I just lost it. You know the ugly, snotty, I can't stop crying type. I wanted to be home, I wanted Landry to be ok, I wanted to not be hurting, I was just done!! Luckily my nurses were AMAZING and picked me up! They told me it was ok that I was here and not home, that my 2 older boys would survive and forgive me for not being there with them, etc...They understood and got the stress and pain that I was in. The head nurse even said she would sit with Landry while I go and take a hot shower and just let it all out, get all my crying out and that I'd feel much better. You are in such a vulnerable spot being so emotional and feeling such raw pain and I will be forever grateful for those 2 ladies that night as I lost my shit and then got it back together again!

Monday - Thursday: I stopped journaling but basically everything began to stabalize for Landry and he spent those days just being a baby and eating, pooping, sleeping, etc. Wednesday the buzz was that if Landry could pass 4 test: gain weight, maintain temperature, pass carseat and hold steady on platelets that we would be able to go home Thursday!! And boy things started moving fast! Brandon and I both had to watch several videos together. CPR and don't shake your baby to death(so sad we had to actually watch this!) and then get the car seat, make sure it was for a baby under 5 pounds, get some vitamins that L needs, etc...and then we began what Cooks calls "rooming in". It where they take Landry off all monitors, warmer, etc and I'm to do everything (although I was doing that anyway) for the day/night. We both did great and come Thursday morning we were being discharged!! Landry passed all his test although he was making us very nervous during the carseat test as he was having several little decels but he passed!

We came home and life has been great. We are so abundently blessed and in love with our family of 5